So, where have I been this time? A place none of you want to go. A place full of imbeciles, full of nincompoops (I don't really use that word in real life, I just really wanted to type it) and where I get a permanent, daily headache. This place has infested every area of my waking (and sleeping) life for the past month. It's a place that brings the worst out in people, has turned me into a raving obsessive lunatic, and made me question whether I actually like anyone I know. The place?
Do you remember that programme 'Bridezilla'? Well, I'm starting to see the brides in a new light. BW (before wedding), I used to watch it thinking the women were heinous bitches who should count themselves lucky that anyone could tolerate them for five minutes, let alone marry them. Now? Okay, well, I still think that, but I also think that they would be less bitchy if people would do what they were told.
"Mammy doesn't eat beef." Firstly, who said your mother was invited? Is it a new thing now to phone ahead asking if there are certain foods people don't particularly like? Get the boat.
"You'll have to invite such-and-such". No, if you want to get married & invite whoever you want, go ahead. I won't be. As far as I'm aware, I haven't started shitting money.
"Who's your florist? You need a reputable florist." Who has a designated florist? My florists, well they are threefold. Mr. Aldi, Mr. Tesco, and Mr. Lidl. In all actuality, I'm going down the foam route - means I can get a lot more done ahead of time, and check these babies out - this isn't an actual bouquet or anything, I just threw it together for a pic, but aren't the white ones lovely for foam?
"Oh, your mother's baking your cake? I actually wouldn't be a fan of traditional wedding cake." Well, I'm actually not a fan of bullshit, so eat it or don't eat it - I care not.
Le sigh. How did it come to this? How did I go from being a nail polish-loving chick with a penchant for 80s rock, to a raving psycho who dreams about crystal pins, organza, and getting stuck in a wedding dress? Considering I've taken it upon myself to DIY pretty much every aspect of the wedding (I think, now don't quote me, but I THINK I'm also an Internet Vicar. I have vague recollections of printing something out during a computer course in the early 00's. Technically I could marry myself) - I'm making the buttonholes, bouquets, decorating the church, making the centrepieces, invitations, favours, ring pillow, guestbook, thing to get people to sign the guestbook (I'm wavering between a chocolate tree and a fancy poem, I'm thinking chocolate would be superior to a witty yet touching poem printed in Edwardian ITC), thank you cards, and whatever else crops up.
I must go another bit now, I've to make a new appointment with my childhood priest to get my certificates - I was supposed to go yesterday but myself and himself slept in, missed mass, and then ate the cake that we'd bought for him.
It's a hard life alright.