Thursday, November 24, 2011

A Letter to Me.

I was recently invited to a school reunion. "Go," said himself. "You'll have a great night." 

Props if you know what movie this is from!
Are you WELL? My last two years of school were atrocious. The minute I opened the card, my stomach turned. I immediately turned into 17-year-old me again - that insecure, self-conscious, muddled-up little me. The girls I went to school with seem to have completely different memories to me - they remember the nights out, the craic at lunchtime, the craic on the bus. I remember the nights out that I wasn't allowed to go to, the sitting on my own at lunchtime, and the long bus rides home with my walkman and a tape of stuff I taped off the radio the night before. I wasn't popular, I wasn't pretty, boys had zero interest in me, I didn't have the nice clothes or the money to go out shopping on a Saturday. I had my room (my sanctuary), my notebooks and diaries, my music, and the best little sister anyone on this earth could ever wish to be blessed with. I don't want to go back there, to be bombarded with 1,000 "So what are you doing now?" questions. You weren't one damn bit interested in what I did back then, so what's changed?

With this in mind, I decided to to a letter to 17-year-old me - I've seen loads of these before, but I've never actually done one. Here we go.

Dear Sharon:

This will be hard to believe, but you'll believe it. This is 28-year-old you, writing to you because you need to know a few things. Firstly, I know you feel like you have no friends, but your best friend is already living with you. Don't be a bitch to your sister, she doesn't deserve it and she doesn't understand why you can be so dismissive of her sometimes. She'll tell you one day that all she wanted as a child was to be just like you, so give her a break. You have a lot more in common than you think you do. Talk to her more. 
Next, don't worry about not fitting in at school - in a few years time, you'll realise that you're comfortable with who you are, and you don't want to be the same as 'all the other girls'. Your time will come. In fact, you'll do a lot better relationship-wise than you might think, and you'll be exactly where you are supposed to be by the time you're 21. Go out on the 13th of November 2003, it's an important night. Don't miss it, it changes your life for the better in every possible way. 
You think your music taste is weird - it's not, it's stuff you'll still be listening to in 10 years, but just don't attach so much memories to every single song you listen to, or you'll drive yourself mad. All those hours you spend singing in your room? Get your Mum to teach you to play the guitar instead. You have loads of time now to do it, it's something you'll always love, and you might find it hard to make time for it in the future.
Mind your teeth. It is NEVER a good idea to ride a bicycle through potholes "for the craic" in your bare feet. Don't do that. 
Keep up your typing practice. I know you hate it, but it's something that you're going to use a lot in the future. Also, when E offers to teach you to drive, for god sake, let him. This will be the one thing you regret not doing. Learn now. 
You'll have your heart broken, but you'll recover and you need to go through that to recognize a good thing when you see it. You'll also discover that you're a smart, independent girl who can look after herself - but don't be so intent on refusing help. Swallow your pride a little more and stop rebelling. You don't need to do that. 
Don't worry about school - do your own thing and stay strong. You'll do fine.
Keep up your writing, you'll always love it.
Keep all your Spectacular nail polish, they're going to be discontinued. 

Love, Sharon x

PS: That packet of fags that M left in the wardrobe - DON'T YOU DARE smoke them. Throw them out, burn them now. Never buy any more.
PPS: Stop pretending that you hate kids, everyone knows that you love them and want your own.
PPPS: Your first instincts about people are usually bang-on. Trust them.
PPPPS: You and your sister think you're both ugly and have no self confidence. You both turn out pretty okay, but you won't if you keep eating rubbish in your room. Stop with the crisps, k?

Love you Sis xxx

S xx

6 comments:

  1. Oh my god! That made me laugh and cry, been there done that, especially the sister thing - an absolute blessing we never appreciate til much later. Luckily we laugh now about the time she embbed a hair brush in my arm and I swung a right and socked her full in the jaw - just as my mum walked in!! Lovely, lovely post x

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you for your lovely comment x Oh we fought like cat and dog, I'd be absolutely lost without her now - it wasn't until just a few years ago that we realised how similar we are, and it's actually sad to look back and think that we thought we were polar opposites. Haha I still have a mark on my forehead where she threw a glass marble at me!!!! Thanks for reading xxx

    ReplyDelete
  3. What a great post Sharon. School wasn't exactly the best time for me either so I can imagine what getting that invite was like.

    I keep meaning to do one of these letters to myself but never seem to get around to it.

    Oh and this is the second time I've seen a reference to Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion on a blog this week. It makes me want to watch the film again.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Another person here who hated school. Life really does get so much better once you leave and don't feel the pressure to 'fit in' with the 'cool crowd'. Lovely post:) x

    ReplyDelete
  5. @Cornflake - Thank you! I could have gone on and on with the letter, I might do another one at some stage, I found it really therapeutic to be honest! Movie Props! *claps* LOVED that movie so much, will have to track it down on DVD x

    @Sunshine - Isn't it funny how there are so many of us that had the same experiences? It gets so much better, you can find your own place in the world instead of having to conform to someone else's ideal of popular or normal!

    Thanks for reading xx

    ReplyDelete
  6. Awk I got teary reading this!! How similar were we!?!? *huge mahoosive hugs* xx

    ReplyDelete

I love comments, even one word ones. Comment moderation enabled due to my utter hatred of spammy links. No captcha!